It Took Months

I would lie awake at night 
writhing in agony
unsure what it was from.
I would be exhausted 
and antsy. 

I wanted to crawl out of my skin. 
I wanted to tear at it until I bleed. 
Yet I knew that didn’t make sense 
and wouldn’t help.

It took months to figure out 
what was going on. 
Months of struggle, 
being weak and helpless 
beating myself up 
and not telling anyone. 

Months before the word Depression 
ever even popped into my head. 
Then I became 
embarrassed 
and fearful.

I didn’t want to tell anyone. 
Hopeless. Ashamed. 
And Scared.