Collateral Damage

About four and a half years ago, I was sideswiped by what I thought was going to be a positive event, leaving me with deep feelings of loss, rejection and betrayal.   I’ve been seeing counsellors for much of the ensuing time; while I’ve never been diagnosed as being clinically depressed, at least one would say I’m experiencing significant emotional suffering.  

The root of all this seems to be a life marked by regular “seasons" of loneliness and relationships where love and acceptance were often conditional on performance.  In the past and even at a very young age, 
I was able to find sufficient resolve to ignore or sidestep many of life’s disappointments.  But I’ve been having to back-up and deal with those losses and hurts so I can understand and navigate more recent emotional trauma.  I seem to be getting through it, but it’s been a long haul and a lot of work.  Despite the healing I’ve enjoyed, I think the collateral damage will be something I’ll likely carry a long time.